Hi, welcome to Question Friday. I get this question sometimes so I thought I would put it to you. Whether in working with a person who doesn’t “get” what value you’ve added, or whether passing off something you own to another person to hold on to, or whether you share an idea that you believe is just about sacred and you get it stamped out… What do you do when something you are very much attached to is treated without respect? Please add your suggestions in the comments.
Q: What do you do when someone doesn’t respect what’s yours?
More detail: What do you do when you think something has a lot of value, a lot of potential, but then someone else doesn’t treat it that way? What do you do when you pass a project on, and it is not treated well by the new owner? And what do you do if it makes you sad to have been part of the project before? What do you do when you’ve worked really hard on something, and your effort is absolutely unrewarded?
Here’s one answer. There is an interview question that goes like this, “Are you a good cook?” If the interviewee says, “Yes,” then the follow-on question is, “How do you know?”
A person who answers “Because my friends tell me” shows that at least in this case, she’s looking for outward validation. A person who answers “Because I can tell when I taste it” shows that at least in this case, she’s looking for inward validation.
Maybe for these – the project or the item that you own or the effort you put in – maybe for all these you can shower yourself with mega inward-validation.
Other thoughts?
Don’t you think a little of both happens, Senia? It’s as though the offering is what exists between you (inward validation) and the mirror (outward validation). Depending upon how important the project is to me, I’ll either primp and preen to get a positive feedback or I might pass the mirror by without even a glance.
Thanks for the great links in the post!
Barbara,
I really like your mirror analogy (especially the “priming and preening”)! Absolutely, depending on the situation, people do different things. And usually people are somewhere between both validations.
Best of the weekend to you,
:) S.