Category: BEST POSITIVE PSYCH

Best ideas of positive psychology: happiness, intuition, optimism, health, flow, decision-making, mind and body, goals, habits, great living!

How to Get to Sleep on Time

Posted on by Senia

I’m getting married in the mornin’!
Ding dong! The bells are gonna chime.
Pull out the stopper!
Let’s have a whopper!
But get me to the church on time!

~ My Fair Lady, Get Me to the Church on Time

How can you get to sleep on time? On your time. At the time you want to fall asleep? WebMD has 12 tips for better sleep. I completely agree with one of the tips:

Allow yourself one hour to unwind before bed. Brush your teeth one hour before getting into bed and wash your face slowly with warm water. Set the mood for relaxation before bed. This is not a time to be rushing about or planning the following days events. Do this earlier in the evening.

What can you do to relax as completely and as simply as you can before bed?
Can you
* Light a candle,
* Have some camomile tea,
* Brush your hair,
* Meditate,
* Breathe,
* Read some poetry?

What can you do to prep your body that it is about to go to bed? What cues can you give to your body (smell – light-fragrance candle, sight – darken the lights, touch – put on pajamas and night clothes, taste – brush your teeth, hear – put on classical music)? Or other cues? How can you give your body a clue that sleep is about to happen?

That is the single-best thing you can do for your body to get ready for sleep – to put it in the mood for sleep. I suggest getting ready for bed between 10 and 11pm. You need to be in bed by 10 or 11pm for optimal functioning, in my humble unscientific in this case, opinion.

And, yes, this will take longer than your usual routine, and yes, you’ll need to factor that time into your day, but it will pay off in healthy, full sleep.

One more tip: get ready for bed, get everything ready (including all these above cues), and then just get in bed and read. Read books for fun, not necessarily books for work or for homework. Marsha Norman says that if you’re a writer, you should read for four hours every day, and if anyone asks you what you’re doing, tell them that you’re busy and you’re reading. And for those of us who are not writers, reading is so opening, so exhilirating, so freeing, so full – it is the ideal pre-bedtime activity. Reading takes us into different worlds. And by doing so absolutely prepares us for bed.

IN SUMMARY:

  • Create a relaxing bedtime ritual. Create cues for sleep.
  • Go to bed 10-11pm.
  • Read in bed until you’re tired enough to fall asleep.

Note: I know these above won’t work for everybody. That’s why they’re my opinoons and my suggestions only.

Sleep

Posted on by Senia

Why does a day sometimes start the night before? For example, in religions, if tomorrow were a fasting day, then the fast would start at nightfall today. Also, in sports, your coach will often tell you what you eat the night before and how you sleep the night before are very important. Folks often arrive to far away meetings the night before to “be fresh” the next morning. Another example: Christmas EVE. Evenings are the precursor to days.

Recently, a group of researchers led by Nobel-prize winner Daniel Kahnemann has been studying people’s happiness in a very simple-to-grasp way: people were asked to write down at the end of each day which activities they enjoyed and which they didn’t (as you can imagine, “intimate relations” was highest and commuting was lowest on the list). Most interestingly, “Events such as a poor night’s sleep had a large impact on how people felt about what they did the following day,” says this study summary.

This reseach appeared in the Dec 3 issue of Science Magazine (abstract here). The method of asking to sum up the enjoyments of the day is called the Day Reconstruction Method, and the researchers asked about 900 women in Texas to complete these forms. Because the data was for women only, the researchers do not claim that it’s generalizable to the entire population.

The fascinating book Sleep Thieves talks in detail about the physical harm to the body that happens when deprived of sleep. The author Stanley Coren talks about people being more accident-prone and increasingly exhausted. One of the more interesting parts of the book is when Coren describes the fact that sleeping less one night and trying to “catch up” the next night or few nights does not get your body back into its balance: there is something lost when sleep is lost.

Today we’ve talked about why sleep is so important. And tomorrow, we’ll talk about how to get more full, healthy sleep.

Some fun thoughts on sleep:

  • CNN reports that stock strategist James Montier recommend in ’04 that people focus less on stocks and focus more on things that really make them happy – love, sex, exercise and sleep.
  • “Sleep in the City” study (summary here) that finds that people get the best sleep in cities including Minneapolis , Detroit, Anaheim, San Diego, raleigh, DC, Chicago, Boston, and Austin, and the worst sleep in cities including Detroit, Cleveland, Hashville, Cincinnatti, New Orleans, NY, Las Vegas, Miami, San Francisco.
  • There is a recent study in the UK that looked for what gives people “a sense of well-being”. One of the results is that “a good night’s sleep [is]… linked to contentment” (article here)

Happiness 101

Posted on by Senia

Hi, here is the new topic that I’ll be covering in depth: What can make you happiest? What is happiness for you in practice? How can you be happiest, most productive, most successful?

In this series,

  • I’ll tell you about research that works.
  • I’ll tell you about books you can read for more info.
  • I’ll tell you a general order that generally works, and then you can fit it best to yourself.

Ready?

Here’s the syllabus:

At the end, we can discuss whatever else we decide by the time we get here.
You can read all the Happiness 101 posts by going to this hidden Happiness 101 category.

Then Providence Moves Too

Posted on by Senia

The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have
occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in
one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material
assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Begin it now.

This is a quote that is often attributed to Goethe. This website attributes this quote to Lord “Johnnie” Fisher – British Admiral. The Goethe Society of North America explains here the controversy and mistaken attribution to Goethe.

In any case, I love this quote. Great quote for entrepreneurship.

Say “Yes” in the New Year

Posted on by Senia

I have a suggestion.
Make this year the year that you say “Yes” to everything that you want.

Choose the “Yes” important items first (like we talked about here). Choose the items that energize and excite you.

Once you do that – once you decide that you are going to say “Yes” to the most important items – then providence moves too. Once you are in the market for a red Beetle, you start to see more red Beetles on the road. Alvin frequently writes that once a person focuses on his goals, then everything else falls into place (see here and here). David Pollay writes on the newly launched Positive Psychology News Daily about starting the New Year off right: he suggests writing down your goals and focusing on them two minutes a day. Simple and effective.

There’s this concept of Intuition that I strongly believe in – “You Turn to Face the Unknown Corner.” That’s just true – that happens to all of us. That happens to everyone. When people walk into an unfamiliar room, they turn to face the unknown corner. People want to get their bearings and get a sense of the space around them. People intuitively turn to face the unknown corner.

Similarly, people turn to face that which is familiar and desirable. You can make your most important “Yes”s desirable – by thinking about them, by seeing them in your head before you go to bed, by writing emails to your friends about them. So when a choice comes up…

Should you go see a movie or go home and work on your business plan?

…you’ll know what’s right for you to do at that point. Which of those two choices you should say “Yes” to. You know because you are the person who knows yourself best. Even when it may sometimes seem that you don’t know what’s best for you, usually if you talk it out or write it down, you can see that you do know, that the words you use to describe both options are different, and that one option clearly is better. (Both can be the best option – whether you choose the movie or the business plan.)

As my friend D says, “It’s all good in the end, and if it’s not good, then it’s not the end.”

Plus you DO already know as Alvin describes here because you are a great judge of your senses and your inner self-talk. You know best the nuances you feel and think when faced with a choice. Lean in the New Year toward those things you most want for yourself.

Say “Yes” in the New Year to those things that matter to you.

Who Is Happy?

Posted on by Senia

There’s a great 1995 article by David Myers and Ed Diener: “Who Is Happy?”

“In study after study, four inner traits mark happy people: self-esteem, a sense of personal control, optimism, and extraversion.”

How are you doing on:

  • personal control (do you generally feel in control of your life?)
  • optimism (do you generally believe the future will be even better than today?)
  • self-esteem (do you generally respect your actions? [or this question])
  • extraversion (do you generally make a point to meet with friends?)

Each of these traits is actually acquirable and increasable, which is the most interesting part to me.

The Self-Esteem Question

Posted on by Senia

What is the question you can ask yourself to know whether you have self-esteem? After discussion with a positive psychology colleague of mine, here is his suggestion, which is fascinating to me. (I don’t usually write about bad-feeling situations or scenarios on my site, but this post is on that map of a sphere below the equator of happy and pleasant thought.) You can ask yourself:

  • Why aren’t you loveable?

What’s your answer? Pause a second … What do you think? What’s your answer?

Exactly. In a way, it’s such a manipulative question because the high self-esteem answer to it is, “No, forget it, I’m extremely loveable.” And the low self-esteem person will go looking for answers where there don’t need to be any.

Here is another question:

  • How often do you doubt your actions and thoughts?

The high self-esteem person will sometimes doubt, and will just as often or more often be secure and comfortable with his own thoughts. Both questions lean the answer towards choosing the negative thoughts in your head – both questions are manipulative in that sense, which is why they seem to get to the question about self-esteem.

Ask Early

Posted on by Senia

I was reading Dave Seah‘s story about Ulrick the Bee, and I like this second part of the story where Tiffany appears and she ask a lot of questions!

Once of the best lessons I ever received was, “Ask Early.” When I was working on Wall St., my mentor was a woman who was very accomplished in her department, and a wonderful, kind, great person. I met with her early in my career at the company, and she gave me a great piece of advice. She said:

Ask early. Ask about anything that you don’t know. Because if six months have gone by and then you ask about something that should be simple and clear and easy, then you will seem to be slow and lagging behind. Then the quesiton will be, “Oh, you don’t know that yet?” Ask early. There is great simplicity to that. If you don’t know, ask.

My father also told me many times, three of the most beautiful words in English are “I don’t know.” And then finding out is fascinating.

Posted on 12-15-06 for Wed, 12-13-06.

Q: Which is your seesaw balance?

Posted on by Senia

One should see the world, and see himself as a scale with an equal balance of good and evil. When he does one good deed the scale is tipped to the good – he and the world is saved. When he does one evil deed the scale is tipped to the bad – he and the world is destroyed.
~ Maimonides

People have different axes along which they find balance. Most people feel when they are in balance about many axes in their lives. The above quote is about feeling the moral balance, and leaning in the good direction. People can also feel balance, for example, in these parts of their lives:

  • Physical
  • Mental
  • Emotional
  • Adventure
  • Alone-time
  • Fun vs. Work

And in each case, people can lean towards the good direction of balance. For example, if you wanted to feel YOUR OWN VERSION OF BALANCE (and I think balance is very personal) in “Fun vs. Work,” then you might resonate well with these words:

Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
~ Robert Fulghum

If you wanted to keep your balance in the physical part of you, you might aim to get to the gym more, to eat more healthy foods. Different people have different needs for balance.

Today’s Question:
In which part of your life do you feel it is most important for you to have balance – and then after that, other things fall into place?

Specifically, your answer might be “stress balance” – when you have enough stress to keep you challenges but not too much so that you go nuts, that may be the optimal stress balance. It might be “alone-time balance,” a good balance between doing things on your won and with friends. Your answer might be “mental balance,” a good balance of being challenged mentally and being calm mentally. It might be “moral balance,” a good balance of making the correct and right decisions in your life.

For me, as long as I do good things physically, and as Maimonides said, “with the scale tipped to the good,” then the other parts of my life fall in line. Which balance is most important for you?!

And let’s end with some very important thoughts on balance! Especially as the temperature is going to be in the 30’s in the Northeast, in the U.S..

The balance of nature is reached when heating the house costs as much as going south for the winter.
~ James H. McGavran

When 95% of Your Brain Says Yes

Posted on by Senia

When everything else says, go, doubt says, stop.

A friend of mine has a big belief that people don’t do those things that they fear. He thinks fear is the most dangerous of all the beasts. Like an addiction, fear moves slowly, taking over a little bit, then a little more. When you are 95% sure, then the remaining 5% is doubt. Doubt is ok. Doubt and weighing options is why we can advance. Doubt, worry, caution – they all have a role in life.

And then at some point, you just have to let all of them go.
Just let the other 5% go.
Just let it go, man.

The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision.
~ Maimonides

Just decide. When you are 95% sure of your decision, then let me tell you something, you are sure of your decision. It’s better to make the hop. It’s better to act than to spend the day, the hour, the minute CONCERNED about not deciding. Concerned?! Who wants to spend his life concerned?

“What did you do in your life?”
“Well, I spent a lot of time beign concerned… and, um, I spent a lot of time worrying too. Some good worrying time. And then I accomplished this, this, and this.”

Who wants to spend time being concerned? Yes, yes, yes, YES! There are things that take a long time to figure out, but then once you’ve figured them out…
JUMP.

Do. Act. Live.
That’s all I mean. Don’t spend a significant part of your brainspace worrying about the 5% outlier effect. Act. Live.

Making a decision was the most important thing that my favorite professor in business school always told us as students to do, “Make a decision. The CEO needs to make firm decisions fast.”

And the most important thing after you are at the 95% sure threshold, and you are about to jump… don’t look back. Don’t WASTE your life in saying, “Well, I did have that 5% that I wasn’t certain about, so maybe that’s why this entire project went wrong.” No, that’s not why.

Once you make the decision to go, then just go. It’s as if you mentally rip away from all the disputing quotes in your head that are holding you tied to the mental torture cahmber of doubt and concern. Just go. And make an active decision that if you look back on this decision, it’s something you wanted to go into. It’s a path you want to take. Don’t sabotage your success by turning back, and looking over your shoulder. You will turn into salt if you’re looking back and not forward. Even the peacock faces forward these days. :)